I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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