I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
