I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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