guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
