one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
