I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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