Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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