I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
