Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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