She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
