just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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