i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
