White coat. Heels.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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