Can Purell be used as lube?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
