Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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