She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
