so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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