There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
