My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's never too late to be topless.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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