not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
