is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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