Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
