New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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