How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
