got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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