Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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