i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
