I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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