I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
