i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
