i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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