Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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