I must be too annoying 4 u.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
