We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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