Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
