Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
