Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
