If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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