Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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