Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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