Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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