Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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