I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
