He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
