Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
