yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
