Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize