This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
