there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
