This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
