i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
