is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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