My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
