Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
