my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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