It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
