So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
two words: eviction party
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
