I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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