i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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