He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just found puke in my bra..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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