"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
