At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he shaved USA in his pubs
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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