A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
