She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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