wrigley field is MILF paradise
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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