Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
