Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
