After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
