fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Im part way to drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
