I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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